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THE HIGH PRICE OF NOT PUTTING OUT.
I’ve had it with men! Once again, I have been rejected by a guy because I would not have sex with him, and made it clear (after his many attempts) that I’m not that kind of girl and it’s not going to happen until I’m married. It never fails. Things are going great and then the guy breaks up with me using any excuse, but I know it’s because I’m not “putting out”. And these are nice, Catholic guys. I am so crushed right now. I can’t help thinking I’m doomed to a life of loneliness because I won’t have sex until I’m married. But I DON’T want to be alone! Maybe I should just give in since even the great guys are expecting it. I’m so depressed. Why do Catholic guys expect sex from a Catholic girl? I just don’t understand.
It always deeply saddens me when a woman writes to me about this exact scenario. Unfortunately, I hear this very same thing all time, and have for years. So let me first say that I am sincerely sorry for what you are going through, and all women like you go through this kind of rejection (and God knows there are many).
I believe that there are many good, Catholic men out there who are authentically good men and would make good husbands and fathers, but because they have allowed themselves to adopt certain modern ideas and practices about approaching women, they are ultimately too toxic to be capable of marital love.
There is much about today’s society and its obsession with sex that bombards men involuntarily and affects men negatively without them realizing it. Have men really become so intoxicated with this culturally pro-sex lifestyle that they cannot see the value and beauty of a woman who is clearly a good catch for them? Are they really too sex-driven to be willing to endure a time of chastity in courtship with the woman he will spend the rest of his life loving in every way (including physically) within marriage?
Perhaps the answer is yes, they are too sexually intoxicated. And like a drunk who denies they have a problem with alcohol, a sexually intoxicated Catholic man will never admit that they have been influenced by this substance which affects his judgment when it comes to love and marriage. We cannot discount the power of intoxication on anyone, including genuinely good people; nor can we discount the power of the culture to intoxicate a person ever so subtly and without resistance.
I would like to believe that however powerful the culture is to intoxicate for the worst, the exposure to purity and beauty in a good woman is that much more powerful to wake a man up from his blindness and see just how wrong he is about how he treats a woman and approaches sex. No, scratch that. I DO believe that this kind of good woman is more powerful than the power the culture holds over a man.
So why are so many good women being rejected by men who should be thanking God for sending such a woman into his life? That I cannot answer. I could offer my opinion and some theories, but I don’t have a clear answer. Maybe the men aren’t as close to Christ and the Sacraments (sources of the only power to combat such evil) as they should be. Perhaps they are too far invested in the lifestyle of having sex or living together prior to marriage. Perhaps they really don’t want to be married. Who knows?
Too many good women are paying the high price of remaining faithful to their belief that sex is for after marriage. And too many of these women are in pain because they are made to feel like they are somehow idiots for taking that belief so seriously. And too many of these women are beating themselves up trying to figure out what else could be wrong with them that caused the man to break up with her, not willing to believe he was so shallow to do it just because she wouldn’t put out.
I can’t sugar coat this one, ladies. You do pay a high price, in that you don’t have someone to share your life with when you want that so very much. But you can’t ever forget (please, don’t ever forget) that you also paid a high price to Christ for standing your ground, and that price is deep union with the greatest love of your love, Jesus Himself, and the eternal happiness you will possess as a result.
I suggest you hold your head high and continue being the beautiful woman you are for yourself and for the sake of Christ. Don’t allow these men to take away who you are. Keep becoming more and more beautiful, and live as if it’s them who are missing out. You always have your union with your ultimate love, Jesus Christ. That is no pious sentiment. That is real and true. And it’s better than anything. Pray for these men. They need it.
But also stay open and hopeful. There are lots of single men out there who share your commitment to chastity, or who will respect and admire you.
American culture may have become more enlightened and moved beyond such constricting, old-fashioned ideas like sin and hell, but God hasn’t.
Sin is still serious, hell still exists, and sinners still go there. Or as St. Paul put it, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived…” (1 Corinthians 6.9)
Of course, there’s hope! By God’s grace, we can turn from our sins and find salvation in Jesus Christ.
But first, we need to acknowledge our sins and that we need saving. And once we are given new life in Christ, the Christian life has just begun, and we are called to cooperate with God’s grace to grow in holiness.
Here is a list of a few sins that are widely accepted in our culture as normal, but that we still need to take seriously:
But what if they person never finds out? What if it’s just for convenience? Or what if it’s for a greater good?
Nope, lying is still lying, and it’s still wrong.
Lying is telling a falsehood with the intention of deceiving, and it’s always wrong because it’s an offense against the Truth, which is Christ (John 14.6).
Remember, lying is the native tongue of the Devil, whom Jesus calls “the father of lies.” (John 8.44) And the deuterocanonical book of Wisdom warns: “lying will destroy your soul.” (Wisdom 1.11)
2) Sexual immorality
“Flee from sexual immorality!” (1 Corinthians 6.18)
But can’t we do whatever we want with our bodies? As long as a person consents, anything goes, right?
Wrong. St. Paul says, “Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. […] You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6.18-20)
We can sin against our own bodies. God has made us and our sexuality with dignity, value, and order – all of which should be respected and cherished.
And remember that Christ extended this teaching even to lust in one’s heart: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
“You shall not steal.” (Exodus 20.15)
Stealing is taking something to which you have no right.
That includes copyrighted material: stealing doesn’t become acceptable simply because you’re on the Internet. Everyone knows this, but many of us do it anyway. Yet theft is a grave sin.
Alcohol is a wonderful gift from God. Jesus turned water into wine, and Christian monks used to make the best beer in the world.
But intentionally drinking too much so as to become drunk and lose control is a sin: “Do not be deceived… drunkards… will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6.9-10) “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but,” St. Paul offers us the alternative, “be filled with the Spirit!” (Ephesians 5.18)
Some have called this the forgotten vice.
We obviously need to eat, there’s a time for feasting, and food can be wonderfully enjoyable. But, like alcohol, everything must be enjoyed in moderation. Gluttony is an immoderate love of food, and it can have not only serious consequences for our health, but also our soul.
“Enemies of the cross of Christ… their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.” (Philippians 3.18-19)
Hah! That’ll get ‘em good!
It’ll also get you, too.
Justice is important, and any justice which isn’t served by the government will be rectified by God in the end. But as for us right now, God calls us to a higher plane:
“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. […] Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God… To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12.17, 19-21)
Also, keep in mind Jesus’ important teaching about forgiveness: “If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6.14-15)
“Oh come on, nobody actually advocates murder!” Are you sure about that?
Murder is the voluntary and direct killing of an innocent human life. Even if the person is young and still developing in her mother’s womb. Even if the person is handicapped. Even if the person is sick and difficult to care for. Even if the person is old and may die soon anyway. Abortion and, increasingly, euthanasia are widely accepted and practiced throughout our society.
Yet murder is an offense against God because humans are made in His image (Genesis 1.27).
So let us all repent of our sins and seek God’s mercy in Christ!
A Christian rapper named Lecrae’s new album has captured the top spot on the Billboard 200. The Christian artist has managed to pass far more famous acts like Maroon 5 and Beyonce on his way to the top of the charts, according to The Blaze.
It’s not uncommon for bands and acts like Maroon 5 and Beyonce to top the Billboard 200 chart, but this week’s number one album comes from a unique artist who isn’t nearly as well-known as his secular counterparts — Christian rapper Lecrae.
His new album “Anomaly” opened at number one this week, selling 88,000 copies during the week ending September 14 and bumping Maroon 5′s “V” out of the top spot, according to Billboard.
Lecrae has managed to make history with his latest release.
Lecrae, 34, also scored the first-ever album to top both the Gospel Albums chart and the Billboard 200—and he’s dominating the Christian Albums chart as well.
However, the Grammy award winning artist says he is more focused on helping people than selling records.
“A mentor told me years ago, ‘Lecrae you’re not in the widget and gimmick business, you’re in the people business. As long as you take care of people, they’ll take care of you,’” the rapper is quoted in his official bio. “So we’ve always looked at it as if we’re not trying to sell CDs, we’re trying to take care of people —Give them messages of hope and inspiration.”
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Monday, September 22, 2014 @5pm
Wednesday, October 29, 2014 @5pm
Monday, December 1, 2014 @5pm
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